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Green Room - Week 13 - Day 4

I can't sleep.

I have been trying for a couple hours now, but I just can't manage it. Which isn't good. I need to be up at 4:45am tomorrow to get to work.

My sister is getting married this weekend to the woman she loves.

My Father and his wife (my Step-Mom) won't be there. They are extremely conservative Christians and have stated that their new daughter-in-law will not be welcomed in their home.

They also told my brother that if he ever meets someone that his husband would not be welcomed either.

Anyone following the home game of my story knows that I haven't had much to do with this side of my family for, well, forever. I only started forming relationships with them over the last couple of years.

I'm about to torpedo that budding relationship with my Father, because it's the right thing to do, and (mostly) because my siblings asked me to do it.

Before - they had said they were fighting their own battles and they weren't ready for other people to jump in.

Now that they have both came out, and been rejected, it's a different story. I don't know what my other siblings will be doing. If they will be contacting the people who raised them and letting them know how they feel.

But I need to harness some of that courage that my younger siblings have shown and actually stand up for what I believe in/stand up for the people that even though I wasn't raised with them, they are my family and I love the people they have become.

I know there is a huge backlash against "coming out as an ally", because it's *not about* our stories. It's about the stories of Gay, Lesbian, Bi, Transgender and anyone else I might be forgetting at after midnight when I should be asleep, men, women and anyone on the gender spectrum. They are the focus, and they should be, when we are talking about their struggles in society.

It's not about me. But since this is my space to rant about things - this part *is* about me. ;)

Once I write something up, I'm going to want to have someone beta-read it for me. So if you're up for that, let me know.

Also - I've read a lot of inspiring stories over the years, of people standing up for who they are, and who the people they love are. Thank you for that. I hope that I will be able to prove worthy to that example you have set.


and because this is still Idol: The results of Second Chance are in: http://therealljidol.livejournal.com/906999.html and your entries are due tomorrow: http://therealljidol.livejournal.com/905315.html


( 33 comments — Leave a comment )
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Mar. 11th, 2016 05:39 am (UTC)
Gary, I'm totally up for beta-reading for you. Anytime.

What you're doing is hard. And it's also right. And it sounds like you're doing it for all the right reasons. *hugs* You can kick me later. For now, just take the damn hugs.
Mar. 11th, 2016 05:39 am (UTC)
wow. we have a little of that in our family, but mostly in silence, ignoring the fact.
Mar. 11th, 2016 05:40 am (UTC)
*low whistle*

My brain is pretty fogged up on NyQuil right now and this is decidedly NOT the correct post to be like "fuck it, if I inadvertently say something ridiculously offensive or outlandish, I'll just come back and play it for laughs later" so I'll just say this - spring break is about to start for my district, and if you want a cootie-carrying queer English teacher to beta read your something-you-write-up and infect it with queer red pen cooties, I'm happy to do it and will have plenty of time.
Mar. 11th, 2016 05:55 am (UTC)
IMO, coming out as an ally, when you're doing it to stand up for or support someone you love, is a brave and beautiful thing.

When you're in a difficult place, having an ally who is outside the hard stuff, who will speak up for you and hold your hand and tell you how well you're doing - it's humbling and bewildering and life-changing.

Don't let backlashers tell you different.

Backlashers are often idiots

That said, I'm not as qualified as Ms PTW, but I'd be happy to beta for you any time.

As for sleeping, try turning on a true crime show like The First 48 hours, or QVC, turn the volume low enough to hear but not be interested by, and stretch out on the sofa.

ETA - on the reread, I realize that sounds like I'm calling QVC a true crime show, but I'm not going to fix it, because it's kind of funny and not entirely inaccurate.

Edited at 2016-03-11 05:57 am (UTC)
Mar. 11th, 2016 06:09 am (UTC)
IMO, coming out as an ally, when you're doing it to stand up for or support someone you love, is a brave and beautiful thing.

^ IAWTC. Huge difference between standing in solidarity (being an ally - what you're doing) and trying to be some attention whore white knight jackass making other people's shit All About You (not remotely what you're doing).

Also, the only truly impressive qualification I have is the cooties.
(no subject) - lrig_rorrim - Mar. 11th, 2016 06:10 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - kathrynrose - Mar. 11th, 2016 07:03 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - whipchick - Mar. 12th, 2016 02:25 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - kathrynrose - Mar. 12th, 2016 02:57 am (UTC) - Expand
Mar. 11th, 2016 06:22 am (UTC)
I can sure understand why this is keeping you up at night. Feeling caught between two sides of something-- especially when friends or family are involved-- can be a kind of torture.

You are doing the right thing for your brother and sister even when their parents won't, and it will matter. You will be the family they have for years to come, supporting their journey and their happiness rather than some personal version of what they "should" be doing.

I would be happy to help beta anything you need as well. Good luck with this, and mazel tov to the brides.
Mar. 11th, 2016 06:36 am (UTC)
Congrats to your sister

*Hugs* It sounds like you're doing what you need to do, however difficult that may be.
Mar. 11th, 2016 08:27 am (UTC)
Yeah. I love my parents but I still haven't come out to them completely. (I came out to my mom at one point but she thinks it was a joke, so...)

You've got to pick your battles. I'm glad you've decided that your siblings are important to you. The Small One knows about me, and it's a great source of support.

Also adding my voice to the chorus of, "Of course I'll beta for you!"
Mar. 11th, 2016 12:56 pm (UTC)

I didn't realize you had siblings you were not raised with...Just like me! I'd be happy to beta-read.
Thanks for opening up to us in the GR! Most folks here prob think you're just this guy in Florida who loves cookies and Walt Disney World but kicks Hippies and foreigners.
You host a writing competition but we've not seen much of your writing!
I think we should have a GARY WEEK for Idol! You write, we'll vote! You can't lose! haha!

Mar. 11th, 2016 01:04 pm (UTC)
I think we should have a GARY WEEK for Idol! You write, we'll vote! You can't lose! haha!

Hmm, not a bad idea, actually...

Mar. 11th, 2016 01:12 pm (UTC)
I'll beta anything you write at any time.

And yes, echoing what you're doing is a beautiful and just thing :nodding:
Mar. 11th, 2016 02:08 pm (UTC)
You're doing the right thing.

Also happy to read :)

Mar. 11th, 2016 02:28 pm (UTC)
If I come at them too hard, they won't listen. (and those particular two siblings live in the same area as my Dad so I wouldn't want to make it any messier than it already is for them)

If I come at them too soft, they won't listen.

Honestly, they probably still won't listen. ;)
Mar. 11th, 2016 02:37 pm (UTC)
There's also the fact that despite being the oldest, I'm also pretty much an outsider to the family.

Which is both bad - in the terms of coming in and saying anything

and good - in the terms that I'm the only one old enough to remember where some of their own skeletons are buried. ;)
(no subject) - lrig_rorrim - Mar. 11th, 2016 02:41 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - lrig_rorrim - Mar. 11th, 2016 02:38 pm (UTC) - Expand
Mar. 11th, 2016 03:46 pm (UTC)
I'm deeply impressed, G, with your integrity. It sounds as though you know you're doing the right thing here and I think any words you lend to it are going to be the right words. You can't make them listen....or understand. But I do believe in words and I believe that written words stay in the mind of the reader for a long time.

Good luck.
Mar. 11th, 2016 04:02 pm (UTC)
I've sent some of you (those who volunteered) an extremely rough draft.

Honestly, I half want to get into my Grandfather - because I know that deeply impacted my Dad's life. But everything he did was a *choice* (really bad ones) and I don't know if I want to open up that can of worms.... especially since my Dad is someone who never forgave him.

(he cheated on my Grandmother - a lot, and eventually left her. But in the meantime he fathered several children by different women. Those children were welcomed into my Grandmother's home. But my Dad barely acknowledges their existence)
Mar. 11th, 2016 04:53 pm (UTC)
Good for you.

I know I havent been around.
Lurking a little but I have done very little writing.
Winter blues and my tablets spell check no longer works here.
Ya, I know I should just get out the laptop and sit down with it and just get too work.
Mar. 11th, 2016 06:41 pm (UTC)
You're doing the right thing, Gary. I've talked about my issues with family and coming out on Idol.

If I had family in my corner at the time, things might have been better.

(Not to make this all about me...)

Congrats to your sister! And to you on getting a new sister-in-law!
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