Being alone in general sucked, but the holidays were the among the toughest times in the year.
So, for the first couple years I did something special for myself.
Something that most people were cool about - but people who didn't have anything to do with it, other than see my posts - got riled up about.
I would put aside a little bit of money during the last couple months of the year and around the holidays, I would give that money to my Mom, along with a long list of things that I wanted. The list would be longer than could be purchased with that money. As it happened, I ended up with plans on Christmas Eve, so my Mom came over and put them under the tree.
It amused my Mom to "be playing Santa" and I had something to look forward to when I woke up on Christmas morning.
It didn't harm anyone and it amused the people directly involved.
Oh, but there were opinions about it - anywhere from "you shouldn't be spending money on yourself" to "you're an adult - suck it up!"
People always have an opinion to offer, when it doesn't impact their own lives. When it does - they often have excuses on why *their* decision to do things *isn't the same* as the people they were complaining about.
I'm not posting this to have people weigh in on if it was a good thing or not. It was. For those first couple years, that made a huge difference. The reason this came to mind is that I know there are people out there reading this who DON'T have family during this Christmas, or even ones who do, but are still feeling completely alone.
I know this because I've been there.
I'm lucky that I'm not there right now. Believe me, a few different decisions at crucial points a few years ago, and I would have been. I'm aware enough to know that.
So here's something I want you to know - DO WHATEVER YOU NEED TO DO to get you through the holidays. *As long as it doesn't negatively impact someone else directly involved*. (have to put that in there, just in case. :D)
Don't let the "Well *I* wouldn't do that..." chorus make you as unhappy as they are. Find that bit of happiness and wonder - embrace it as long and hard as you need it. (But also be aware enough to know when you no longer do, especially if it ends up being more of a crutch. You'll know when it's time).
I would wish you "joy and happiness" during this holiday season - but instead I will wish you fear and torment knowing that this break will come to an end and you will be plunged into the fray once again!!
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