clauderainsrm (clauderainsrm) wrote in therealljidol,
clauderainsrm
clauderainsrm
therealljidol

Green Room - Week 20 - Day 9

Because I thought I deserved it.

Because I was told no one would ever believe me, and even if they did, who did I think the police were going to make leave/arrest?

Because when you have someone on top of you, with their hands around your neck, choking you in the bed - and you kick them off - they are the ones who end up with bruises

See also "I'm too smart to leave bruises" and the only thing damaged by the butcher knife was the door that ended up with a huge hole in it and maybe my stuff that was thrown across the room and shattered *was* proper payback for being clumsy.

Because when I went to the family, I was told that it was "your responsibility now"

and when I sought help from an organization that is dedicated to stopping domestic violence, I was told "Just leave"

Because I said, and did, my share of yelling and things you can't un-say. Relationships are are complicated, even when they are working right - and there is always plenty of blame to go around for everyone involved.

Because your gender doesn't always dictate that you will make more or less than your partner, and you can't always just pick up and leave everything

Because I was young and in love enough to think that eventually things would get better - if I just tried harder.

Because I saw my Mother go through it and thought "that's just how relationships are".

No, these aren't random examples of why someone stays in a physically/emotionally relationship.

They are part of MY #WhyIStayed

All over the internet right now, because of the publicity of the Ray Rice case, people are speaking out against domestic violence and explaining why it's not always as easy as "if someone doesn't treat you right, just walk away".

People are speaking out for all of the women who haven't been able to get out of their circumstances - which is fantastic.

The downside of it is that whenever someone mentions that it happens to men as well, they are often silenced and told that their are trying to distract the issue, or that it's "minimal" and not really talking about. They are told "Men are stronger - they can stop it at any time", without really thinking about why men often *don't* use their strength to defend themselves in those circumstances - or why they just don't walk out and never come back.

I could just tell the story of my Mom and what went on there. But that isn't my story to tell. Heck, I'm sure there's a lot of it that I will never fully understand.

This story is mine though. I'm sure that there is still a lot of information that I *still* don't have and may never completely understand. My ex is a good person. I like her very much. From what I understand, the temper is still there and horrible things are still said, but the violence isn't. Which is good. I'm glad that she could make that progress and hope that it continues. For everyone's sake.

I've made progress of my own. I still overreact and I yell more than I should. My issues are still my issues. But I'm "better". I like to think that's it's because I've become a better person... but that may just be looking back and not having much respect for the person that I was, the person who stayed. It's one of those things you think about and wonder just what you would have done differently, and *when*.

***

With that uplifting, completely rambling,part out of the way - there's a vote going on: http://therealljidol.livejournal.com/778354.html So get on out there and #helpthemstay!

(How's *that* for a horrible transition!!)
Tags: day 09, green room, season 9, week 20
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