Chris Clavin is a sexual predator.
Or at least he's not denying the allegations against him and he's said that he is seeking therapy.
For those of you (pretty much everyone) reading this - Chris was a member of the band Ghost Mice and the guy who ran Plan-It-X Records, which put out a lot of great music.
It's interesting seeing the responses, especially since, unlike with Ian Graham, the allegations were actually in print where people could read the stories the women were telling about him. 6 as of this writing, but that number could continue to climb as more folks feel comfortable coming forward.
I mentioned recently about how Joss Whedon's only response to the accusations from his ex wife was a statement through a press agent of "I'm not responding" and a vague bit that made you wonder exactly what he was saying *wasn't* true, that caused a lot of people to jump on the "yep, it is, see how he's gaslighting her!" bandwagon.
My thoughts are all over the place - of course starting with "What a scumbag" and I'm hoping that his victims will, eventually, be OK - but also going into those different crevices your mind finds for you...
What does "accountability" actually look like here? Some people have said he should have turned himself over to the police... others have said he should have kept his social media up so that he could "be accountable" to his former fans.
Even the worst of people don't think of themselves as the true monsters... so getting to the point of getting yourself help/therapy for what you realize is a problem is a step in the right direction. But is there really a 12-step program for someone to say "I'm sorry I sexually assaulted you". If there was, would that help the victim at all?
It's also interesting being a cishet white guy in a world that's turned on cishet white guys... and often for good reason. Not saying it's *always* a good reason. But it's often enough that, yeah, I can definitely see it and it makes me uncomfortable to know that's the skin suit I'm wearing.
Other times though, it's more of a "I'm Gary, I've always been Gary". We were talking about high school dances earlier tonight and I was mentioning that I never went to one. Because it wasn't my thing. It's nothing I regret and if I had to do it over again, I would have missed all of them every single time... well, maybe I would have gone to *one*, but that's a different story... I've never particularly liked the team I was born into. Or related to it. The things "people did" just were never something I was all that interested in. I look at guys I've known over the years, and I've always felt the same way about them... but I'll admit, I also let it slide with "that's just how they are"....
But it's still a big part of me. I'm fucked up in my own ways. Some of them have to do with those ideas of masculine culture, but most probably are just my own flawed brain chemistry! ;) (We all have our own versions of that).
I'm also thinking about the time I found out about a sexual predator in Idol - but was asked by the victim to NOT take any action against him. She later said it "wasn't a big deal", that "he was drunk" and that I should forget about it. I haven't. It's been a really long time, and I still see him from time to time, but I've never forgotten it. Maybe that was the only time he's ever done anything like that... maybe it's not.
They were both contestants at the time though - and my hands off policy is how I keep things from getting personal. I let the game play itself out with anything that isn't directly impacting the game itself.
I wonder what I would have done if I didn't set that rule for myself. Would it have been "the right" thing to do, or would it have simply caused additional harm to the victim when everything came out (and this was during a really active Livejournal period, so it would have all come out...)
It's got me thinking about the difference in power between men and women - and the anger that seems closer to the surface the older I get and the more I listen. Not just with gender though - PoC are speaking up more as well, and it's both good *and* a little "WTF" because with all of that anger it's difficult to stand back and go "Yep. I suck." when I've tried my best *not* to be those things... even if I may not have always succeeded... and especially since, yeah, I DO suck. It's not "white guilt" or "straight guilt". It's knowing you started out, in theory, on third, and managed to trip over the corner of the base and fall on your face more often than not.
It's why I've never really considered myself "An Ally" for any cause or group. I'm on Gary's side. I want the other people to do well, but I'd like to do well too! :)
I'm not the victim in any of this. I'm just a guy with a lot of questions tumbling around his head at 11:30 who needs to get to sleep... who is quite positive that he's managed to say some really stupid things in the last few minutes that hopefully people will forgive him for when he realizes "Why did I frame it THAT way???, and a lot more to "unpack" and consider in something more than a stream of conscious ramble that started when I found out that Chris Clavin was a sexual predator...
Oh, and super awkward transition - get your entries in: http://therealljidol.livejournal.com/1041472.html