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Green Room - Week 16 - Day 2

I've found myself backing out of a lot of comments on social media lately.

Even on things where I have a strong opinion. I'm feeling a greater sense of monologue and a lesser tendency toward dialogue, so if my comment is going to not align with the echo chamber, do I really need the headache of the response I know it's going to get?

Which is either cowardice or wisdom. Maybe the two are the same thing. Or maybe I'm just trying to justify the former. ;)

I think it started with politics and just spiraled outward as more and more things are touched by discussion of social issues. I'm doing far more reading and less talking, and usually a lot more eye-rolling. Because there are some people out there who need to interact with other humans more, and do some actual research on things that they love to talk about... (which, to be fair, is most of us!)

Related, in that I didn't join in on either discussion. But unrelated, in that I'm actually commenting about it:

Yesterday, right next to each other in my Facebook feed, I saw a call for people to *not* get defensive when they are called out for making racist and bigoted statements/actions, but rather apologize and learn from the experience - and another post where someone was actually *yelled at* and called a bigot because he held the door open for a woman. (by said woman)

I think one of the things you need to reflect on, and learn from, is that everyone has their own experiences and perspectives - and you can certainly learn from them. But also, some people are just asshats. And asshats ruin things for everyone by being that example of "this is why such-and-such is a joke!" Which doesn't help anyone.

DO be considerate of your fellow human beings and listen to their experiences and use that information to inform your future actions.

DON'T be an asshat.

If you need to know the difference, you will find it out when I start kicking you. But, to be fair, you may get confused and think it's just because you are damn hippie. Which is a good point. But if you didn't want to be kicked, you would stop being that.


How do you *avoid* getting kicked? There is no way.

You just have to accept it's going to happen.

You also have to accept that the new topic is up: http://therealljidol.livejournal.com/1007141.html

and there is a Work Room as well: http://therealljidol.livejournal.com/1007539.html


( 40 comments — Leave a comment )
Apr. 25th, 2017 03:05 pm (UTC)
I see / hear about lots of people on FB who need a good kick. LOL. Especially in my adoption groups.
I try to stay out of drama.
I just watch quietly and learn from all the BS and then turn it into a writing topic!
Apr. 25th, 2017 03:39 pm (UTC)
Pretty damned good summation about why I left FB simultaneously shaking my head and gouging my own eyes out. And stabbing all the soft things in my house.

As the Animals said so many years ago -

When I was young, it was more important
Pain more painful
Laughter much louder
Yeah, when I was young
When I was young

It's one thing to opine, it's another to bully, and online interaction has created a slew of whole other things, too, that one can purport when stating one's position. It's a bit exhausting.

The bit that worries/fascinates me the most is the pile on in regards to SHAMING. Have humans always been such?

Anyway, I got nothing in regards to the prompt. Or at least not much. Curious as to how it ended up in the Kool-Aid. I did mention to yachiru that if you contract an STD from Thor you've got the THUNDERCLAP. And then I fizzed out.
Apr. 25th, 2017 04:54 pm (UTC)
I only use fb for messaging, no looking at the feed, that's where they get you.


Didn't know Thunderclap was a website until I looked it up, am considering using that angle.

There's also the sudden startling/unexpected. This lends to so much.

Am not touching the urban dictionary definition.
(no subject) - bleodswean - Apr. 25th, 2017 04:59 pm (UTC) - Expand
Apr. 25th, 2017 05:03 pm (UTC)
Haha-- I'm glad I'm not the only person whose head went to an STD interpretation of the prompt.

I think Yachiru could make real use of that interpretation, though. :O

I'm of an older generation, so I tend to think there are times when shaming is good. Are you unpleasant or ugly to other people? Do you neglect your loved ones? Do you bitch about the current state of politics but could not be bothered to vote (which is not the same as being denied your ability to vote because of tricksy doings in your community)?

Do you think the world is all ME ME ME and basically not give a rat's ass about other people?

All of those are good reasons for shaming someone, in my book.

(Though now my head is all stuck on the concept of Amish "shunning", which is a whole different area and makes me sad).

Sometimes shame is what motivates us to be better people. If we already WERE better people, we would be less susceptible to it. Unless we're sociopathic A-holes, in which case it'll just bounce right off. :(
(no subject) - bleodswean - Apr. 25th, 2017 05:25 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - halfshellvenus - Apr. 25th, 2017 06:09 pm (UTC) - Expand
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(no subject) - xo_kizzy_xo - Apr. 25th, 2017 07:10 pm (UTC) - Expand
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(no subject) - xo_kizzy_xo - Apr. 25th, 2017 07:37 pm (UTC) - Expand
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(no subject) - ryl - Apr. 25th, 2017 05:54 pm (UTC) - Expand
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(no subject) - halfshellvenus - Apr. 25th, 2017 07:06 pm (UTC) - Expand
Apr. 25th, 2017 03:45 pm (UTC)
Posting from my writing account as I'm too idle to click and log back in :)

I started doing this about six months ago, I realised how stressed I was getting every time I ventured online

Now I find myself starting to write a response, walking away, coming back and if it is just too important, posting and taking the flak, if it's not or my energy levels are low I just delete and move on

Apr. 25th, 2017 03:58 pm (UTC)
In my experience, most asshats refuse to acknowledge that they're being an asshat -- they will insist that *THEY'RE* the one surrounded by asshats...

I've been accused of being an asshat on occasion... and whenever it happened, I always tried to "take a step back" for a moment an assess the situation. And on occasion I had to admit that I was guilty as charged... whereupon I did my best to apologize to whoever I had offended and tried to 'make things right'. That being said, the last time I was called an asshat, I can honestly say that my accuser was literally "trouble looking for a place to happen" -- *ANYTHING* that anyone said or did near this asshat pissed him off, and he challenged several people around him to a fistfight. A middle-aged gentleman tried to defuse the situation by repeatedly telling the asshat to "have a nice day"... to which the asshat responded by screaming at the well-wisher: "I'M NOT GOING TO! AND IT'S *YOUR* FUCKING FAULT!"

Changing the subject: I *STILL* haven't come up with a story idea for this week's prompt. Suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

Edited at 2017-04-25 03:59 pm (UTC)
Apr. 25th, 2017 04:03 pm (UTC)
I haven't heard anyone mention this yet - a thunderclap headache. It's a thing.

Edited at 2017-04-25 04:03 pm (UTC)
(no subject) - bleodswean - Apr. 25th, 2017 04:08 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - ellakite - Apr. 25th, 2017 05:08 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - ellakite - Apr. 25th, 2017 05:03 pm (UTC) - Expand
Apr. 25th, 2017 05:55 pm (UTC)
A middle-aged gentleman tried to defuse the situation by repeatedly telling the asshat to "have a nice day"... to which the asshat responded by screaming at the well-wisher: "I'M NOT GOING TO! AND IT'S *YOUR* FUCKING FAULT!"
That's the kind of asshat who's just begging to have someone laugh in his face.
(no subject) - ellakite - Apr. 25th, 2017 06:02 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - halfshellvenus - Apr. 25th, 2017 07:22 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - ellakite - Apr. 25th, 2017 09:16 pm (UTC) - Expand
Apr. 25th, 2017 04:08 pm (UTC)
Every time I consider finally joining Facebook I see things like this and think I'm wiser to simply stay away.

I am also in search of an idea for this prompt, my issue is the song "Thunder Struck" by AC*DC plays in my head every time I try to noodle on thunder clap. Which is amusing, but not so useful.
Apr. 25th, 2017 05:53 pm (UTC)
There's a book by Erik Larson called Thunderstruck. I kept thinking of that song every time I read it. Good thing I like AC/DC.

Edited at 2017-04-25 05:56 pm (UTC)
(no subject) - beeker121 - Apr. 25th, 2017 06:43 pm (UTC) - Expand
Apr. 25th, 2017 04:59 pm (UTC)
When I deactivated my FB earlier in the year, I thought it would be hard to stay off since I visited it so many times a day. And I was shocked to find out, it wasn't tough at all. Then somehow it reactivated itself a while later, and I went to go peek at it, see how everyone was. And reassure them I wasn't dead or kidnapped, just tired of the political bs on there. I was pretty sure that now that I had dipped my toe back in, I'd be re-hooked. I wasn't. I should probably go deactivate it again at some point.

I tend to hold the door all the time if someone is behind me, or if it's a single enter/exit door and someone is coming in as I'm going out. The other day at 7-11 I was going out, saw a guy coming towards it to come in, so I pulled it my way and held it for him. He stopped, looked comically confused, then stood there a couple seconds completely lost. Then reached over me, and held the door open as well. I conceded the door to him, laughed, thanked him and went out under his arm.

(Annnnnnnd after typing this all out, it dawns on me that maybe only contestants are supposed to comment here. Oops! )
Apr. 25th, 2017 05:14 pm (UTC)
NOOOOOOOOOOo, the green room is for everyone! Speak more, please!

I wonder about people like that guy, just because it sounds as if the sexism was so ingrained he'd lost sight of door-holding as a common courtesy.

I have been on Facebook maybe once in the last year, to peek at some of my niece's wedding photos and to see what my kids are posting on their accounts. But it was October, so I didn't look around much otherwise. I was afraid to see who among my friends & family was backing Trump, or doing the Libertarian protest vote thing. :(
(no subject) - jocosa - Apr. 25th, 2017 07:54 pm (UTC) - Expand
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(no subject) - xo_kizzy_xo - Apr. 25th, 2017 07:14 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - jocosa - Apr. 25th, 2017 08:01 pm (UTC) - Expand
Apr. 25th, 2017 06:00 pm (UTC)
First of all, "bigot" is not the term I'd use for misogyny or sexism, really. Second, it's not either to hold the door for a woman. Third, it's being a jerk to yell at anyone holding a door for you. No matter how I've ever regarded it (given what I'm about to write below), I've thanked the man.

Now. That said, as a woman of some decades of age, let me address this practice of men and boys holding doors for women. If someone is going into a building directly in front of me or is coming out of the same door I am about to open and go through, I am glad of it. If someone sees I have arms full of items and holds a door for me to catch up, I am glad of it. I expect this as common courtesy of any gender toward any other gender, worthy of a "thank you."

Here are two situations that drive me up a tree, though, and that I would call ridiculous and unnecessarily gendered:

One: If I as a woman am quite a distance from a door and not bogged down with stuff - in other words, it's clear I have a hand free to open my own door, I'm not close to it, and I'm not in a hurry to get to it - and you are a man, just go in the damn door and go about your business and let it close. I can open it when I get there. It drives me BONKERS when some guy is 40 feet ahead of me and is standing there holding the door, clearly waiting on me and just as clearly there on his own business, weighted in place by some outdated, outmoded code of chivalry that does nothing but inconvenience both him and me ... because now I have to break into a jog and hurry up when I had no desire to do so, or I keep to my regular pace and look like an oblivious or ungrateful asshole. STOP DOING THIS.

Two: This is annoying, but to be honest, it's more entertaining to me as a woman in the 21st century, than anything else. I was going out the left-hand door at the C-store a few weeks ago one morning, and a man was coming toward the door. I got to the door first and pushed it open - the logical thing would have been to wait for me to come out, since I reached the door right before he would have, whereupon I was going to hold the door and let him go through behind me before letting it go. VERY SIMPLE SPATIAL PLACEMENT AND EXECUTION; A CHILD COULD HAVE INTUITED THIS.

But. You know there's a "but" coming, right? That's the point of this. ;-)

This guy puts on a comical burst of speed like something out of a cartoon, nearly tripping over his feet to get to the door first (even though I wasn't carrying anything more than a drink in one hand, the other free), goes in an arc out of his way to grab the handle WHILE I AM ALREADY PUSHING IT OPEN, and stands there looking all proud like he just lifted a damn boulder out of the road for me.

You know, as a woman, I'm already conditioned and made to feel like I'm supposed to defer and thank everyone around me for everything. I don't mind thanking someone for actually doing something useful for me, but I don't enjoy being treated like a social burden someone has to look after because Pappy told 'em 40 years ago that girls are delicate flowers. I've been in the workforce for almost 30 years taking care of myself and others, and I can open a door. Really. You don't have to wait 45 seconds for me to get to you so you can hold it ... nor will your penis shrink if I hold the door for you. I PROMISE, GUYS. :-)
Apr. 25th, 2017 08:07 pm (UTC)
That first one makes me nuts. I get it, you are being polite, but now I have to hustle, or look like an ass. I work as a nanny, so I often have a toddler in tow that makes a sloth look speedy. And I've had men, and women, hold doors when they see us heading that way. So now I have to either scoop up the toddling toddler, or pull him along a bit faster then he'd like, or again.. look like an unappreciative ass.
Apr. 25th, 2017 08:09 pm (UTC)
This week's topic: nada.

Facebook is not a safe or happy place. I play scrabble, that's about it.

I was born in '55. I am a full-fledged Boomer. I abhor shaming. IMNSHO, the woman who shouted at a man for opening the door for her should be ashamed of her behavior. Shaming someone for offering kindness is just bad manners. As someone with FM, even before I had to use a cane, opening those big heavy doors was painful. I am grateful to every single person who has ever opened a door for me, but I was raised to be polite, respect and have good manners, and to be considerate, so I say thank you. I will open doors for others, even holding them open if our timing is off. The only rule I believe good manners and kindness should have is more, more, more.

All this just begs the question, what happened that has made compassion, consideration, common courtesy, and kindness shaming offenses?

Being a single modern, and strong believer in equality, woman my liberty is never threatened by simple acts of kindness--ever!

Okay, I am done.
( 40 comments — Leave a comment )


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